14th of November is children’s day in India. It is so called because it is the birth anniversary of Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister of India, a man who loved children. Little do people know that Dr. Birbal Sahni, one of the most intelligent minds of modern India was born on the same day. People call me Nehru because I share the same birthday as him, but me, I prefer to be known as Pratik Tondwalkar because that is my real name. it is not that I have something against Nehru or Sahni. Just that I like being myself, living my own life, making my own friends. Sometimes I feel that my life is so horribly fucked up that I wish to cry. It is not easy for a 17 year old boy to just break down and cry not because it feels gay but I have been stopping myself from crying ever since I was 12. I was in my 8th grade then and my mother was sad, actually, everyone in my family was sad. Mom had to abort my brother because of birth complications. So everyone was sad, of course me too, but never showed it. The reason you wonder? Well I had a choice, adding to the sorrow or bringing in joy. Choosing the latter was one of the best decisions of my life. Mom, who usually understands my pain without me telling her, didn’t have any idea how much sorrow I was holding up in my heart and my mind. And everything was back to normal. Everyone was happy again, the family was smiling. I wanted it to last that’s why I continued to wear the mask of happiness. It turned out that being happy increased the number of my friends and girls started taking interest in me. I liked it, so I didn’t take it off. When my first crush kissed her boyfriend in front of my eyes, I cheered for them. When the closest friend I ever had left me because I fell in love with her, I wished her luck. And being happy was became a part of my persona. Being compassionate became a habit. Being forgiving became a duty. Smiling became an addiction. It all went well, the mask was fixed tight, till one day… the day I realized it wasn’t me. I wasn’t the same Pratik Tondwalkar who used to be shy, had almost no friends, afraid of talking to girls, and then one day I realized I changed for the good. And the journey of my life has only just begun….
