A videogame

"लोग अपना बनाके छोड देते है,
रिश्ते गैरो से जोड लेते है,
हम तो एक फूल भी ना तोड सके,
लोग तो दिल भी तोड देते है."

For once i wish i were someone with a stronger heart. Having a heart made out of glass doesn't help in this cruel world. Everyone has their problems and everyone solves them too... ... ... ... ...the last thing anyone alive will want is their nightmares falling into reality in front of them.
If i were to say i am a braveheart the last thing i will be doing is lying. But this heart has endured a lot and has had enough pain....yet it gets heavy doses at irregular intervals of time...
i made a friend after a long long time and was very happy about it too. we talked on the phone almost every day..... then one day while i was returning home from my college.... she gave me a missed ring, i called back immidietly and we spoke for sometime, then i asked her didnt she get a better time than morning, she said she was bored and wanted a time pass... ... ... ... i asked her does she talk to me cuz i make her laugh and entertain her, she said yes... ... ... i hung up with only enough courtesy of saying bye.
the last thing i wanna be known as timepass... b'cos it hurts to know that u have no more value in that person's life than that of a video game,or a novel which can be read when ever one feels like it.... .... .... .... That means i have no voice of my own ,i have no opinions of my own ,i have no thoughta of my own, no wishes of my own... just a videogame
a video game
that is what i have become, it hurts to know that whom i consider friends, for whom i can lay down my life, think of me as nothing more than entertainment.
"कभी आंसू तो कभी खुशी बेची
हमने अकेलेपन मे तन्हाई बेची
चन्द सांसे है खरीदने के लिये
रोज मरती हुई ज़िन्दगी बेची
सताने लगे जब मुझ मेरे ही साये
परेशान होके मैने रोशनी बेची
एक हम ही थे जो खुद ही बिक गये
वरना लोगो ने तो दोस्ती बेची"

Pain

"समझा न कोई दिल की बात को,
दर्द दुनिया ने बिन सोचे ही दे दिया,
सह गए जो हम अगर दर्द को चुपके से,
तो फिर हमको पत्थर दिल कह दिया।"
When i heard the song dard-e-disco i laughed my guts off. i mean अगर दिल में दर्द हैं तो disco क्यूँ करता हैं? Then when it happened to me, i realized that when the heart hurts there's nothing a guy can do but go insane. Sometimes people do strange things, things which they never intend to do. sometimes the regret later on their folly. Sometimes they r glad that they did the stupidity which noone else did. Today i met sumone in whom i saw myself, when i was younger and immature, no knowing what love is all about. the person asked me for my help and i gladly did so, then that person thanked me, for my co-operation. i am only glad that the person found out a way from her sorrow. my life is no longer mine, i died the very day when i realized that my love is never going to be mine... ... ... ... ... but now i want to come over it, i have cried , i have made others laugh, i have sacrificed my love, i have led a selfless life... ... ...
i want to live my life the way i want to. i wanna be the king of m own life... ... ... ... ... ...
i wanna see the world... ... ... ... i wanna be loved... ... ... i want her back... ... ... ... but i cant. i have made the biggest sacrifice anyone ever could, and, i will hold true to it... ... ...
till my last gasp of air...
All through my teen age life, through all my experiences, my victories and my failures, i have learnt many things. one of them is that sometimes it takes moments to get your true love, and othertimes, one life time isn't enough.
the best we can do is find happiness in the happiness of the person whom we love... ... ... ... ... even if that means enduring heartache.
"दिल दिया ऐतबार की हद थी
जान दे दी यह मेरे प्यार की हद थी
मर कर भी आँखें खुली रह गई
और कुछ नही यह तेरे इंतज़ार की हद थी ."

My love..

"कभी किसी से ज़िक्र-ए-जुदाई मत करना
इस दोस्त से कभी रसवाई मत करना
जब दिल टूट जाये हमारी दोस्ती से तो बता देना
बिन बताये बेवफाई मत करना"
This is exactly what I told her when I caught my girl cheating on me. Its funny how sometimes we are so into ourselves that we forget to give a damn about those who love us. I was ready for everything when I began the relationship with her, absolutely anything. I did whatever she wanted me to do, talk to her whenever she wants, take her out on dates, on her favourite movies, spend evenings watching the sunset by the beach together,every dang thing, maybe it wasn't enough to convince her that I love her. Or maybe I myself wasn't convinced that I love her.
Those who know me, know that I had a crush on my very good friend. Since i was in 6th grade, I looked stupid and was excessively obese at that time, also i was shy and so i never let her know, by the time i went in 8th i trimmed down a lot and she looked superb too, then one day when i won the interschool quiz she actually smiled at me, i was in the seventh heaven in 9th i gave the exam for school leadership and was selected as the captain of sports events amongst the boys, she gave the same test meant for girls and she was made my vice, on the day of our induction she was standing by my side to get the sash of honor. Imagine, the girl of my dreams, standing by my side looking forward to get the same honor as i was about to get, the same responsibilities the same powers, i felt like we were getting married or something like that laughed at that to myself, we collected the honorary sashes and cheered at the crowd. on the annual sports day, we had the honors to run the opening lap with the torch of victory in our hands, during that incident an accident occured, we were running with the flame in our hand and the kerosene leaked and ran down the shaft of the torch.i held it tightly to stop it from falling on her hand, my hand burnt in the process, but she was safe, that whs more important to me, i got ugly bisters all over my palm and the back of it but its fine. I had tried to propose her on several earlier occasions and so she had come to know of it, my sister who is also a very good friend of hers also tried to convince her about it, but she was not ready to lend an ear. then we never spoke about it then before the algebra paper of SSC i called her, it was 1130 in the night, it was normal of students to wake up late in the nights, i called her and told her that i love her....she said she knows that it already but she doesnt love me,without sayiing or listening to much i hung up. on the day of my results she gave me a call and after the usual talk said that she did wrong and she wants to be friends with me, i said okay and hung up the phone, in my fyjc i got an sms in which she said shes broken up, i was sad for her, and called her, after calming her down i told her that i am always here for her, she thought that i was saying it as a friend and confessed that she is never gonna love anyone else.She never loved me, loved sum one else. She was happy with him, her happiness was more important than my selfishness. I let go of her, she knew all along that I loved her, I m saying loved because it isn't infatuation. I still continue to love her.
She's broken up with her boyfriend, she still loves him though. Since I know how it is to lose someone you love, I know what she feels and what is going on through her heart because that is what went on inside my mind. I wouldn't say I was not sad when she told me over the phone that she will never love anyone else, honestly I was too brokenhearted to tell her that I still love her.
We remain best friends till date...
Yet I wanna send this message to her.
Babe,
if u ever read this,
please remember:
"तू सिर्फ़ तसव्वुर ही नही
हकीकत है मेरी
तू सिर्फ़ ज़फर ही नही
ताक़त है मेरी
तू सिर्फ़ सर्वात ही नही
लियाक़त है मेरी
तू सिर्फ़ इल्म ही नही
हिजाकात है मेरी"
I love you
Now and for ever

Love???

"Love is the silent language of the heart."
Love....whats love???
So often we say that we love without even knowing whether its an infatuation or a feeling raised due to loneliness. The strange matter of fact is that as most teens think that love is a feeling that u get in your heart when u see a girl and fall for her beauty, its not true. that feeling is not love, but lust. people rarely look on the inner soul first, and rarely do they realize that if love is skin deep it aint gonna last. love isnt a passing feeling, its a bond, it take a lot of time to form it, and it is so strong that when it finally develops as love, its no longer a feeling, it becomes an emotion, an emotion so attached to the heart that even when the heart stops beating and even when thers no life left in the body, the souls are still in love, it may sound a bit abstract and poetic but its true,
it only hurts when theres immature love and theres a breakup following it. it takes a lot of effort and courage to come out of it, i have been through it, and one of my very close friends too, i recovered with the help of my family and friends, but he isolated himself from all of us and went to the road of corruption and crime, it took us a lot to bring him back to normal and to rid him of his addictions.
as for me,
" प्यार करके भुलाना न आया हमे|
किसी के दिल को मनाना न आया हमे|
किसी से तड़पना तो सीख लिया|
पर किसी को तडपाना न आया हमे|"

An awakening

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction"

The best thing that can happen to a guy in his teens is love. The worst thing that can happen is also love. People have so often approached me and asked that how do i manage to be a Chick magnet all the time? why do all the girls want to be with me? why do they like my company? whats my secret mantra?...
It gets in the head sometimes. absolutely hate it when people talk shit about girls, i remember a sentence once said by a teacher to a boy in my class, "मेरी बहन दूसरों की बहन, दूसरों की बहन मेरीआइटम|"
Cheap as it may sound, but that's how guy behave isn't it?
For most men women are nothing but toys, toys used for pleasure. for once if a man could realize what a woman has to go through every single day of her life, how she has to cope up with this male dominated world,how she has to accept herself as a weakling even if she isn't, why don't men realize that there more to women than body. women are not sex toys, women are a Divine creation of god, they bear the presence of god within then because as the god created this universe, women create life on this planet full of ungrateful males.